Tuesday, 31 January 2017


so depression is a thing

maybe evolutionary
maybe natures hard brake on a mad curve
maybe a circuit breaker
maybe its systems down for essential maintenance

maybe its the black pool of everything that it feels like

maybe its truth lifting the veil and slapping you in the face
forcing a healthier recalibration

maybe its the kid shouting that the emperor is naked

maybe its karmas hand on your shoulder
you look round
and karma is shaking its head

maybe its that painting The Scream
maybe its tungsten drill bits in your frontal lobe
maybe its an extreme diet

it had upsides  of course not many

fags were one
fags tasted GOOD when i was down in the white noise
staggeringly GOOD 

cold sweat and cigarette smoke are brothers like fish and chips

i would sit on the back step looking at wet autumn leaves
enormous dread would tie my gut into a tight knot 
overhead a stork would fly by so very very slowly

he came the same time every morning

i never named him

and cos i am on a hill in the distance the stork was in the sky
so when he got here he was only rooftop high

he could have been an upside down flamingo
i wouldnt have blinked

anyway fags  i would EAT the smoke from my fags
blow it out my nose like cold morning exhaust
blow smoke out in place of speaking

i was like a campfire without the stories

in those puffing moments i was doing a Thing
i was Occupied and it made sense to the frayed edges

something to do instead of wishing for a zoned oasis
wishing for an eternal pool hall afternoon

not that you believe in these things anymore

fags dont just fill time


they ARE time  using it up  taking it away

and when tv was nonsense
just mad pixels
i would smoke

and when music
poor music
was just a racket
i would smoke

and dinner
the meals
remember meals ?
i would smoke

at work i was outside all the time
i was behind the compactor 
where the student drs smoked weed
theyd made a shelter from damp cardboard
well they laughed when i found them cos they were high
and i smoked
didnt blink

could have been upside down flamingos for all i cared

like that little black cat who came to live with me
he was keen for refuge
and he came down off the top kitchen units at last
and he scratched the hell out of my new leather sofa

i just watched
he could have been an upside down . . . well you get it

but fags oh fags
well they rule the bad lands like old kings

whatcha doin ford ?  smokin . . .

it was a good enough answer for those days i think

Image result for smoking monarch

from www.treehugger.com

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