UPSIDE DOWN FLAMINGOS

so depression is a thing

maybe evolutionary
maybe natures hard brake on a mad curve
maybe a circuit breaker
maybe its systems down for essential maintenance

maybe its the black pool of everything that it feels like

maybe its truth lifting the veil and slapping you in the face
forcing a healthier recalibration

maybe its the kid shouting that the emperor is naked

maybe its karmas hand on your shoulder
you look round
and karma is shaking its head

maybe its that painting The Scream
maybe its tungsten drill bits in your frontal lobe
maybe its an extreme diet
ha

it had upsides  of course not many

fags were one
fags tasted GOOD when i was down in the white noise
staggeringly GOOD 

cold sweat and cigarette smoke are brothers like fish and chips

i would sit on the back step looking at wet autumn leaves
enormous dread would tie my gut into a tight knot 
overhead a stork would fly by so very very slowly

he came the same time every morning

i never named him

and cos i am on a hill in the distance the stork was in the sky
so when he got here he was only rooftop high

he could have been an upside down flamingo
i wouldnt have blinked

anyway fags  i would EAT the smoke from my fags
blow it out my nose like cold morning exhaust
blow smoke out in place of speaking

i was like a campfire without the stories

in those puffing moments i was doing a Thing
i was Occupied and it made sense to the frayed edges

something to do instead of wishing for a zoned oasis
wishing for an eternal pool hall afternoon

not that you believe in these things anymore

fags dont just fill time

no

they ARE time  using it up  taking it away

and when tv was nonsense
just mad pixels
i would smoke

and when music
poor music
was just a racket
intolerable
i would smoke

and dinner
lunch
the meals
remember meals ?
i would smoke

at work i was outside all the time
i was behind the compactor 
where the student drs smoked weed
theyd made a shelter from damp cardboard
well they laughed when i found them cos they were high
and i smoked
didnt blink

could have been upside down flamingos for all i cared

like that little black cat who came to live with me
he was keen for refuge
and he came down off the top kitchen units at last
and he scratched the hell out of my new leather sofa

i just watched
smoked
he could have been an upside down . . . well you get it

but fags oh fags
well they rule the bad lands like old kings

whatcha doin ford ?  smokin . . .

it was a good enough answer for those days i think

from www.treehugger.com

GOODBYE HOSPITAL 2

goodbye cheap steam kitchens -
morning lager held in cooking fists / half hidden
by 
the 
back fridges open doors

goodbye free miniature cheese
and
loaves of bread / stolen / gifted
and
individual wrapped butters
laid
on the toaster top 
to 
soften

goodbye chief exec / ALWAYS dressed for tv
canteen women kissing your arse
pouring
your
daily
tall latte with the extra shot 
ahead
of
us thirsty dweebs

goodbye to the quiet offices
where
i
hid / suffered Twilight plot explanations
from
grown up teddy bear collectors

goodbye jr drs
smoking weed behind the compactor
and
outside the gas store / only laughed
when
i
found them - OBVIOUSLY i was no threat

goodbye crazy blonde
and
her
ridiculous insomnia recommendation;
Cover Your Bedroom Walls With Porn
she 
said
and 
went bright red

goodbye surgeons comp deliveries
of
Rollercoaster whisky
and
xmas baskets of stink cheese 
and 
potted preserves

goodbye loons in the back building
only let me pass
if
they
touch
my
shoulder / call me a clever proffesor 
and
tell me i'll never leave

goodbye mental block staff
careless / gone native
patient
escapes
past me buzzed-in thru secure door -
no
one
lifts
a
finger / another car park casualty
run
down
during feeble escape

goodbye top floor electroshock rooms
with
airlock entrances / big orderlies - bouncers
jangling keys
to
the
sound of wednesday morning screams

goodbye to the cakes
baked by the pathology guy
between
breakdowns / always such a mess
jumpers
loose
and
trailing wool

goodbye unlocked medicine cabinets
goodbye dihydracodeine
generic valiums / sleepy downers
and
huge tramadol / laid out like xmas
for
a
rummage

goodbye security clampdown
all medicine room doors
dressed with digilocks -
moody Sisters
keep
codes
behind desks / suspicious eyes
on
my
tired face

goodbye cleaners
mops held high / flags in battle
or 
going on and on and on
about
the football pools ticket in '52 / winner
but
left
in some glove box too late

goodbye porter
who
moonlights as a clown / tells me about
his clown face / his authentic red nose
from
the
USA / caught drunk sleeping on site
mutters 
to
himself in lifts
entirely
without
humour

goodbye ice queens
drama queens
soap queens
impressionable climbers
buying
shiny white beemers on consultant endorsement

goodbye me
humour so dry / indistinguisible from ignorance
browsing ebay 
with 
feet up / sandwich toaster on
or
sitting on the smoking bench
where
green dressed ambulance crews
chuck
bricks
at the rats
or
console bereaved / eyes full of empathy tears -
i'd
smoke
in
silence / respect for dead
in
five
min
breaks 

 from specialist whisky.com