Friday 30 November 2012

CLASSIFIED




someone new
to think about
some different
legs to miss
not another face
     that isn’t here
but new lips to dream
     to kiss



Wednesday 28 November 2012

ALCOHOLICS?



she asked
if we were alcoholics
cos we were putting it down us
like madmen
like Deadwood
and we were just stripping wallpaper on a Wednesday

(she did a bottle of wine in an hour
but it was her first night off in 8 yrs)

i said/shot glass held next to my grin/that we
WERE - of an evening
and she
was happy with that
and
drunk enough to Shake and Vac my bungalow into the small hours



Monday 26 November 2012

PARTY, PART 20



and
back at the warped window view 
on my awkward and tiny stool 
from the bland 1980 dressing table
my
drink 
on 
the 
sill
is a wonderful sight shining the orange lamps golden
and
my
relief at a new pen
is the soundest thing tonight . . .

and the new biro spits out a tiny insight/opinion i’m proud of tonight;

you know girls are MENTAL?
fundamentally
MENTAL
well,
she’s NOT (and i never touched her at all) and neither are others
but well
you know . . . insight?  unsight!

and i write
and i write
and i write
while a thin dark kid in ¾ length strides
pisses
up the faux deco front of no 1 Euston Sq
into a potted palm
and
a pale couple wait 
and i think;
who picked up who?

(if any did at all)



Sunday 25 November 2012

DECKCHAIRS



on striped sweet-wrapper deckchairs
checking out the sky
till we're dizzy
and the bushes are a surprise

talking some whatever-shit in the garden

see a mans hat-head bob over the backfence
from my kitchen porch
where i'm fetching teas
and the green hills beyond him swell like a muscle

i smoke camels from crete
on the deck chair/older than i am

loud voices behind foliage
muffled to murmur by warping wood and cool cracked concrete

everyones got windows open
showing white rooms
someones got a dog called timmy
barking from his backyard

and 
later
in deckchairs/sweet-striped/older than me
we’ll 
be 
checking
out 
the white stars/humbling sparkle dots
till the shadow trees and black hedgehog hedges 
startle us back home

talking 
some 
whatever-shit




Saturday 24 November 2012

HICCUP POP



whenever
i mean to think
WEDDING
i think
FUNERAL

whenever
i mean to think
PATIENT
i think
CUSTOMER or VICTIM

whenever
i mean to think
HOSPITAL
i think
PRISON

whenever i think FUTURE i think NO
but
really
it's the only prayer on my lips

i ask - is it as pure with you?



Friday 23 November 2012

TORPEDO BROTHEL



read in the paper
that
during a weapons amnesty in Hull
brothel 
was raided
and they found a TORPEDO

now that’s
some 
specialised
kink



Thursday 22 November 2012

PARTY, PART 19


so,
this ink so faint/only pressing out a word'd groove

have to go 
go now! 
and borrow a pen
from the man in the foyer . . .

i run and jump and hurtle narrow stairs and corner
past
a big black man fumbling cases
in a musicians suit

ask to borrow a pen/picking it up/holding it up BORROW THIS?

(so drunk/so raging/i feel i'm KING OF THE FUCKING FOYER!

mercury in my veins)


and 
i run and run
back up stairs and corners
past the big black man carrying cases/travel in his eyes
and
i
got
no
shoes 
on
but i have to pin down werds I HAVE TO PIN DOWN WERDS

i cry this at the eurotrash lugging bags outside my door

I HAVE TO PIN DOWN WERDS

and
the
new ink is so rich on this page
its
like
LUXURY
after the shallow word'd grooves





Wednesday 21 November 2012

LOOK AWAY



-

stuff . . .

-

i look away

crystal truth
burnt dawn
even good legs

i look away

it all looks just like
ugly dogs fucking

so

i have to look away





Tuesday 20 November 2012

A BEER



chugging green glass
bottle-beer

slim necked romantic
ageless

round tops bent 
dented

foil torn 
discarded

(like love onto the floor)

not
been
in the fridge

no
time
for
that frivolity

tonight


Monday 19 November 2012

MOMENTS


these moments
you know?

THESE moments!

you know the ones - 
the ones that put you up a tree/in the fresh meadow/that bar

its not that i want to change it all so DESPERATELY
or anything
but
i
could
do with 
just . . . you know -

to live it again



Sunday 18 November 2012

HIGH ANXIETY


in a bad sleep morning
when cigarette smoke curls
in the egg splashed kitchen
and 
the coffee explosion frozen on the wall
screams out 
LAZY SKANK 
the white-out stabs of delicate anxiety and end-times doom
make
the 
cat 
appear no more than some naked hungry ANIMAL
silent and demanding and prowling

waiting for his moment down by my shower splashed feet . . .

deep inside my architecture
in a safe-room bolt-hole by the storm-drains
i
KNOW
he's Professor Cuddles/he's Catrick Swayze
and
means no more harm than a one-time jet of concentrated piss
deep in the duvet folds

and
when i scoop him up he's unprotesting
and i hold him close/smell his clean and fresh old-man-musk
then
his slow heartbeat
turns the mist outside the backdoor
from a cold devils blanket hiding goblin mutations
into
just
natures decoration
we can both explore




pic by Helethri

Saturday 17 November 2012

TRAILER FAILURE



1 ad
and i want to see the movie

2 ads
and i’m there
if someone has a working car

3 ads
and i’m over hyped to death-
wheres the art and tease?
wheres the drawings and on-set stills?

i experience a pre-emptive backlash
of
Don’t Care At All

i go
rent something
on
Tartan instead



Friday 16 November 2012

WHISKY RAGE



least
i got
a whisky rage on/least i got that hard growl

a magic hunger
for SOMETHING - an outlet with a screw cap on
from a
cornershop shelf where college kids
work evenings
bantering and bleeping
with each other and phones

a big black security guard
with
bling out over his
jumper
watching
bored
reading the Mirror

smells the drink/sees me buy more with a bag of weighed change

last minute scotch boy at 10.55

horribly worried of running out




Thursday 15 November 2012

PARTY, PART 18



so,
i lock this hotel room door
staring
nearly content!?  or very drunk;
the 
difference is millimetres and lice

staring at the baggy saggy blister wallpaper - sitcom brown
and 
it
fits this mood 
like gloves/like snakeskin

i reminisce 
the last hours from this tiny hotel stool
like
already
they're
sepia grandchildren yarns

Kings Cross is a finger tip away-

i read the sign out loud

KINGS CROSS
KINGS CROSS
KINGS CROSS

i point to it/say - A PLACE ON EARTH!

and 
i TALKED Out There/in crowded wildernesses/in the heart of PARTY
in 
nice clothes too small
shirt tight on my forearms
ragged red stripe on my head

and someone says - wasn’t it your bday?
and i say - 3? is knackering but it will only last a year
she says - [a laugh] wot you do?
i say - drank absinthe at noon in St. James park 
threw pebbles at the pigeons 
then cinema or a theatre/something . . . 
i remember the stairs got harder and harder 
and i fell over red ropes . . . 
and she says - well belated cangrats 

i was drunk and shouty/bit spitty/but smiley
and
lord
i am drunk now/like Moses i feel; ancient and important
and righteously indignant
as
my
ink
runs totally dry


Wednesday 14 November 2012

CRUMPETS


somewhere beneath
the
hurtling white noise
of 
folky cover songs and hot blonde images in hair gel ads
and
echoed memories of any-fecking-thing from years ago/1999's cocaine park/pre-millenium tension
and
the crazy dreams where i change personality and colour and doorbells are all queen songs/i'm an actor/playing a runner
and
the two or three decades old chart hits/bad ones always bad ones
and
the rolling reviewing last conversations and texts and yesterdays
is
a
voice thats me
saying
make coffee and crumpets
and
watch a dvd



Tuesday 13 November 2012

SICK BED



split curtains leak dawn
light shining on the sick bed,
breakfast and repeat . . .






http://mentalhealthtalk.info/2011/03/20/waiting-a-poem/

Monday 12 November 2012

WHO?


who was that
who woke up in dawn darkness
and
didnt
know
what breakfast was for?

who was that in the black velvet blinkers
with the headache surging
like a riptide of mercury 
full of sediment of wine?

who was that hollow absence 
on naked and newborn legs?
he 
travelled up the hall halfway
before
he
heard loud
his 
one sentient sense 
cry NO!

he was a dark prince of a childs midnight
he
should have left 
in the rolls royce at the end of dreams

but

he was found
surprised and walking 
on
the 
ugly carpet stains of morning

he didnt know
what breakfast was for
and
he worked the telephone with his hooves



Sunday 11 November 2012

EARTH 2.0


to write out your soul
in simple words
be
it
bland kitchen brews 
or
strong strange urgent journeys
or
a scream gasp panting at the waxy ennui of the 11 AM
or
the sepia tears of yesterday nostalgia bars
glowing brighter than it could ever have been
then
we at least make time for recollection and rummination
on
the hurtling blast burp of Earth 2.0
and
hold tight in claws the glimpsed sails passing in long nights
and
the
brain barked accidental insights that easily fall farted
between
the
rushed
moss
cracks in the concrete spaces
of
home
Earth 2.0





Saturday 10 November 2012

ITS ALRIGHT MA, MY TUMOURS ONLY ACCAPELA


i said
the other day
to a
jehovahs witness DID YOU SEE HIM?  WAS HE BROOOWN?

and
i said
the other day
to a
catholic RAAAAAAAAAAH!

and
i said
the other day
to a
muslim TAKE OFF YOUR COAT, CALM IT DOWN AND HAVE A BEER!

and
i said
the other day
to a
scientologist GOING TO A CLAAAAAAAAAAAMBAKE?

and
i said
the other day
to a
christian SO GOD MADE ATHEISTS, WHY CONFUSE HIS PERFECT CREATION?

and
i said
the other day
to a
buddhist REALLY?  NOW THATS REALLY INTERESTING . . . 

and
i said
the other day
to a
hindu ARE YOU THE ONES WITH KNIVES OR THE ONES WITH HASH?

and
i said
the other day
to a
seikh NO, I GOT IT, YOU'RE THE ONES WITH THE KNIVES

and
i said
the other day
to a
rasta YOU HOLDING LEGAL HASH IN YOUR ARMY SURPLUS RIGHT?

and
i said
the other day
to a
jew WHY SO EXCLUSIVE?

and
i said
the other day
to an
evangelist YOU COULDN'T SELL ME A HOOVER LIKE THAT!

then i went looking for the hindu again . . . 


Thursday 8 November 2012

19 FEB



when i was losing my mind i thought -
at least 
SOMETHING is 
HAPPENING to me 

FINALLY!

because 
now 
its all slow wheels and low growls again
of
nothing touching nothing

a bare cupboard world wearing thick chemical gloves

and the only release and treats and drinks i get now
are
mainly
in
my
twisted
dreams




Wednesday 7 November 2012

PARTY, PART 17



my dawn scribble is fading/patchy blue ink in fierce grooves
or
is it the light?

no; its the pen/cant face the desk clerk
to 
ask
for 
another
cos
i nearly DESTROYED his door before he could buzz me in

so i lick it and shake it and lay it on the weak iron radiator
while
i
drink
from
this weird vase cup

there’s a dog out there
sniffing the ground
like 
love

i
at this party/this DO/this successful CELEBRATION
sniffed the floor
too
like 
love

i
made people laugh spit on their sleeves
then brought them wide eyed back down
to
existential basics
with my 06 darkness 1000 god-blue dawns cannot break

FUCK! NAME!
say  
chucking things against the wall
FUCK! NAME!
frustration and violence to deflation and silence
FUCK etc

(when really i am labouring in harmful delusion)

i remember saying
"lets drink depth charges till black come out our eyes"
to
confused brows and cautious refusal

hookers out there/out the window/in the Kings Cross night
of
naked
snacks

they take drunk men to the cashpoint
and 
me
at my window
am happy
to be above it all/like a god watching his awful children

so
so,
FUCK! NAME!
and she leaves with her man
who
had
his
hand
on
her/your leg
on
her/your shoulder (the tall CUNT)
and
i
never touched you at all