TRAPPED BEHIND GLASS

i think i feel nothing/classic black hole lost male/shots of scotch and sports wear/loud shirts.

one

woman

visits

me

but . . . she sees my bachelor shield

and

calls it BS/pun masks truth/i’m trapped behind glass.

avoiding beer/morning drink it don’t cut this dark curtain. and no Werds come in here/no Werds coming in here at all.

I

hit

brand

new

Rollercoaster 57.3 I stole from a heart surgeons locker.

strange

that

a

black

hole

should need blotting out.  NOTHING is leaving more than a void
in me 
that

drunk

Werds

used to fill but do no filling today.

I understand human interaction is all the rage

and i glimpse this/its a truth/but

I cant grab it enough/hold it enough/keep it enough.
i am not enough.

people

are

a

mirror and their hugs magic/i know this/they reflect more than walls

but interaction needs relaxation and concentration and dedication and open summerhouse doors

and

I

cant

relax or concentrate or dedicate or open doors today.

filled

void

with

shopping

yesterday

and all the gin/now its whisky/pain killers.  still no

Werds allowed in . . . matters to no one I was the first to wear two hoodies . . .

and

LORD!

the

bland

fear

of Going Out There lethargies me into ultimate inactivity

dreaming

of

quietly

dreaming

in

a

dreamy

summer

garden

but

still

months till I can do that/she keeps me warm on special nights/beautiful distraction from the black and dark by 4pm/but i’m trapped behind glass. 

badly i tidy at night to alleviate guilt of inactivity and self absorption/self pity/self destruction/i pointlessly polish my glass . . .

. . . till

2 AM

when

booze

loves Buddha and booze loves me/cigarettes always falling from my hands

and

i feel i could WAKE UP one day

but

i

never

pencil it in.