BOTTLED LIGHT (CLIMES!)

so
caffeine withdrawal headache
wobbles
in mercury frames
with
any and every
human movement


and
hunting for the right pills in a stuffed bathroom cabinet
i 
find
exotic bottled light
shipped in
from
warmer climes.


(excuse the use 
of the werd climes; i dont like it 
and i will not use it again/say it ALOUD and
you'll see
its an uncomfortable werd)


well,
plastic jesus is watching me
as
i
add
capsules
from
the bottle of light to my sanatorium night regime;
glass mug stuffed with 3 herbal tea bags 
of special sleep infusion 
and tablets of natural ingredients
and the Barn cd 
all at early doors.


so
i slept/ACTUALLY slept/hallelujah etc
and
come
the dreaded hours 
before 
the muddy dawn 
the monsters there were weakened.


well,
alls ok as can be expected for a refreshing change
till
12.27pm and i'm at work of course/dealing with the white noise 
and
the radio silence
and
all the dull flashes and heated pangs
when
every light dimmed and i could only see in tunnel vision
a
world
of

black and grey . . .


so
i stuck with my new mantras (i have a beautiful home etc)
and
my new breathing in/listening to it while i do it/expanding 
my chest not my lazy stomach
and
my breathing out/listening and relaxing my shoulders
roll
them back
and relax 
my back meditation straight/my eyes not seeing anything.  


well
all was as fine as can be expected 
and 
the HR interview about my sick time 
was as fine as could be expected
and
all recorded on a silver disc
and 
then presented to me.


so
tonight i shake my bottle of light
and put the kettle on
hoping
for 
the 
same again
till tomorrow night
when i'll be out in the early dark that holds every memory
and  
i'll walk in the surgery like i often do
and
plead with my least favourite GP.