SILENT NURSE

white-pale nurse/pink-sore lips
from a good school
laughs when you expect/no surprises in efficient conversation
is
totally
square

always busy with bright ringing phones and clean pointing pens
and 
strapping on another plastic apron to disappear
quickly
and
surely
into
the
patient bays to pull patterned curtains/fingers blunt 
in blue gloves

and once she was on tv

well,
she nearly walks right into me cos i am lurking in her locker room
for reasons unexplained
and
she
does
that silent greeting/apology thing
of 
mouthing and twitching out unheard and unknown words

and tho its odd

and i've noticed it like an incognito terrestrial visitor

her meaning and manner
are
still
proper
and 
clear

PHONE

TAPPING TECH, WEEKEND AM

RELAXING COPS

will the submarine pressure
on my tired needy hull
let 
up
enough to see me cook up cheese burgers
and
watch a so-so cop film
without
worry about wars my smile cannot mend
and
the stress over words the yawns wont free ?

i'd 
only like to watch a man with a gun
chase another man with a gun
even tho his boss would rather he didnt
and he'd
show a younger man with a gun the sordid cop ropes
and
i'd
like
some moral ambiguity too
and
a
fresh car chase with grit and crunch
and
a
smouldering femme singing her troubled heart out
in 
a 
smoky jazz club of crooks

space and peace/get sucked in/spend some time with glass people

thats all

FB

FD

LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE

when did you last see a bus full of bears
and
did the driver growl and all the bears look
as
you
stood
there
not knowing how to pay?

who said the world was a spinning particle
a forgotten troubled blim
on 
a 
giant insects prolapse?

look at the evidence in your quiet street
and 
in the girl you meet at the station

look at how calm the cat is
and
the sparrows -

they dont complain and bitch
that 
theyre not eagles

HANDS THAT DO DISHES

INKY HAND, PM

AIR

the warm days cool evening air trapped inside all night
smells
fresh-foul
and
light-heavy
and 
its stale funk blows slow memories up my nose

of a million other mornings
closed-open
window-doors

and later
the farmers burn smoke on fires like festivals
and the warm wind is dry 
and catches it in handfuls
and
throws
it
all
my way

CAT W/FLASH

IF I WENT OUT, THERE WOULD BE MORE THAN MY CAT HERE 

SHOPPING IN A FOXHOLE

used to think i didnt believe the death hype
and the fear stories

but i kind of did really/i felt i HAD to know

even tho 
i
did
seek out the noblest of sources/immersed in the big picture
i
was
still
caught late at night on a sofa of crumbs and cans
watching overpriced gas
get shut off by cold men in fur hats
every
half an hour

i bunkered down 
stayed drunk
and shopped in my foxhole

all the informed analysis is only rough notes for history anyway
scribbled
into
satellite phones
on 
beige
top
roof tops
under a brown flat sun
or
in
the money streets
packed with sacked drones

and i repeated what i learnt like it was gospel and scandal
but
now

i dont believe a THING

PRINCESS JELLY

princess jelly
is from 
a land
where the cats eat carbs up high rises
and brown
smoked paprika falls to the ground like snow

princess jelly left the old gold in the hill caves
to cross
rivers of dictators and fantasy dogs
wearing a cold war trench coat like a spy
and a
utility belt made of pink bows
holding 
ostrich feathers and her other things
safe in 
easy access 
velcro pouches

she came to england and sang an impression of herself
and met
all our 
clever children
bouncing in buggies and scrambling out of school

princess jelly is hungry
and she 
drinks our common juices
and the 
heated essence of mortal gods
and she
hums while she cooks standing like a sleeping stork
and she
cleans in frills and seams and cheeky gleams
all the dusty british shelves

she warns of the squirrels 
YOU GOT DELICATE THINGS THEY WANT TO BURY 
she says
in burnt autumn reds
and she
warns fools of prison 
and all the things they do in there JUST FOR FUN

princess jelly came 
and teaches laughter in the nights
and how
to survive long winters
with only biscuits and song 
and all 
the best 
positions to share body warmth most efficiently

her hands 
will glisten with giving
and her 
body will shine wet with gratitude
when she
takes what she needs to heal the sweet idiots
from her 
utility belt's 
easy access 
velcro pouches
and she'll rub her hands together
in cunning and in glee
but claim
she HAS NO PLAN AT ALL

princess jelly
came from
the surprise snow and starbucks and old church basements
with a 
mind of
good ideas and simple instruction

princess jelly; 
she came
and now 
she can't stop

FINANCE MEETING

finance meeting over in Post Grad lecture theatre

there is no money
tho
he
says this nhs trust has 30 mill in the bank
and
to
expect
financial pressure and tough decisions and bad press
and
the PCTs are gone and replaced by CCGs who are struggling
and promising money they may not have
and
they
MUST
cap the daily A&E fines . . . 

and grim this and bad that

so i look at all the backs of heads in front of me
to
calm
me
from
crisis
but they are overwhelming too

the blonde explosions and 
the tied down twists and 
the waterfalls of shining black and 
the ironed white and 
severe pinned twists

so i shut my eyes

when i open them everyone is filing out in muted hub bub
except Errol
who walked into a chair
and
has 
his
trouser leg up checking he is not bleeding

FLOATING DOOR

FLOATING DOOR AND EAR HAIR, SCANNED FROM A NEGATIVE, 2009? 

LAMBRO ILIOS

we are all smashed into birth

in the plasma core of Stars.

Stars dominate

the visible universe.

  

Sun;

we plot your luminosity

against your temperature.

then

we determine your age.

  

nuclear fusion breathes helium

out into

the stellar wind.

where dies a red giant.

  

Sky; always watched.

the Chinese watched

Tycho Brahe watched

such vast separation in motion.

  

constellation Babylonian animals.

Algol – eye of Medusa.

nebulas and nebulosity.

Bok globules.

silhouette a flustered dove.

NOT SUGAR PUFFS

cant watch a pretty nurse
come out the toilet
without thinking of her on there

small
knick-knicks
crumpled
in
a
puddle
round her ankles
and
a
quiet
freshwater spring tinkle that echoes off tile
smelling
of
care
and 
healing

OFF BRAND ZEN

its
off-brand zen
like
the end of a day of hot bitter black cups of coffee
but 
without the filth

its
a
Crystal Awareness
of the thoughts of the thinking self
but
its
frightens me with its detached clarity

its alien and beyond the mountains of madness

i
feel
i
know
Old Secrets/if only i could reconcile existence

reconcile
all
the
instinct blinks
and
habits like farts
with
the
humming and vibrating matter
that holds the white static together
on
the
island
of the earth

FPS VISION

HOSPITAL SIDE ROOM 13

cant go in that
B level store room
without thinking of her
when
she 
was
in
the 
room across the way
and every day i could look at her window from this one
the blinds down
window open a crack
and in pain and in limbo and awful frustration
she
was
still
funny
and pyjama-elegant
and 
all the nurses favourite

YAWN

i split the hospital in two
with a mighty old testament yawn
and 
all 
the 
visitors here for training
with 
cardboard coffee cups and clipboards and handouts and freebies
say 
BURNING THE CANDLE AT BOTH ENDS?
grateful for distraction 
and focus
i say
THERES NO EFFING CANDLE LEFT!   
I'VE BEEN REFERRED TO THE SLEEP CLINIC 
THANK YOU!
then
i go make my own coffee and drink it from a proper mug

BLUE GREY MONDAY

monday is cotton blue
and
cloud
smudged
and begins in a calm fug of exhaustion thats delicious

still-pond-mind makes breakfast like zen
and
washes
the
dreams from my eyes like theyre paupers feet
all without rush or buzzing static

but 
later
my hands have their own life - pretty aliens
follow
muscle
memory
doing the work for the cash
and
my
voice grows an echo thats someone elses bellow
a bigger mans/who speaks without lengthy thought
and
no clean laughs or swear banter 
bounce off the pinboard walls

its a blip
i know its a blip

a blip where chaos reigns mad behind the slow work
and 
nothing can ever be completely finished 
or satisfactorily resolved
and 
where time is running short of nails to cling on with . . .

and 
later i'll shave my head for control

FENCE

THIS FENCE WAS ERECTED A DECADE OR SO AGO
TO PREVENT DRUNKS GETTING ONTO THE BOWLING GREEN
AND ATTEMPTING TO STEAL SMALL SQUARES OF THE SOFT SOFT TURF














AHEM

MORNING

morning sky is blue sweets
the houses all have calm faces
and
the real or imagined mess about me
is
quiet
reassuring as Charlton Heston in robes

P FLOYD

genius experimenter’s gone

took his zippo and lysergic nursery rhymes/his pretty face fell down

wore

a

dress

to harrods

belly swelled in chelsea/and all that other lurid jazz

if the lights had worked in miami it might have all been different

the

band

mumbled new English hymns/gentle and acoustic

or thumped walking pace metronomes

blips of hard rock and film noise

in

the

limbo

of

the

space-age let down

ugly dictator rose/big nose/a posh horse

obsessed with flying and his war dead daddy

he

worked sacked and legislated

all

the

gentle

way

HUNDREDY WAVES

a hundred pretty waves

small busy surf bursting like opened beer cans

or dropped six packs

foaming and frothing over the greasy floor by the corner shop till

flowing and flooding lager bubbles popping

a hundred pretty waves

flickering blue red orange campfire flame

the constant walk of change

feeding the needy human eye

in the young booze forest of drugs and dogs and distant torch monsters

crunching dry sticks in the tense listening quiet

where girls all climb and sit stuck in dead wood trees

a hundred pretty waves

like obscure obsolete drunk dead folkies

fingers pluck and strum of tramp boats and european gambling

arrive like crack demographics

at the smashed rock shore

a hundred pretty waves

sea swollen bodies that bob like port buoys

and cable turds of long murder mumbled slowly out

sudden brake smears and thick dark melted pelts

caught and twisted in tight fists in warm fishing cave nets

or

shot

clear

and

obviously

overdue;

like missiles like corks like free blown brass pistons broken

shot on old engines of the industrial steam age

a hundred pretty waves

waves wash up naked whales out of salt and song

watered by charities on short ladders

stomping

leather

boots

in the

hundredy waves -

SIDEWAYS CAT

SOON, A RIGHT WAY UP UN-CAT 

FENG SHUI FAIL

strange mirrors disturb
my sleep, looking into each 
other across me

DARK THOUGHT DRAMA

limping bloody in sportswear from an M5 wreck
cctv caught 
and
carrying a saved baby in a petrol blanket
or
taking bullets in the leg from a raisin hopeful
still i tripped him down the lift shaft
to cheers and medals
but i wont shake prince phillips hand!
or a
white wide cool scar slashed by a knife mad drunk
tabloid immortalised cos he was in a soap
or
a
footballer
or
a
reality tv mug

or just a lonely-warm one-tear deathbed goodbye . . . 

any rainbow unicorns squashed by alien space marines

dark thoughts come like clock chimes 
from the blank of the bland lands
or
when i wail at the night fucked up on back lanes
lost to wonder under the asking trees
or booze blind 
before dawn in my favourite chair
and
still going strong playing nosebleed white noise music
and
chaining cocktail reefer

noticed now, the need for dark drama might fade
in the heart glow
of
the pretty light watching me sleep 
and
saying
all the Right Things 
in 
the 
days empty night

GOD CAME

flat dirty Essex spreads to grey horizons
indistinct round the edges
like a dirty rug 
years old and trodden in
mildewed on a council estate garage floor
and 
seeing it from the hospital admin tower on the hill
waiting
in
an
open office corner
of bad chairs
for a recorded TALK with Personnel on attendance
and
wondering
where the eff my useless union rep is
i
think
about
a
god
high above and how he might have felt
all that time ago
when his balls were hot and heavy with creation
ejaculating god-seed
over
a
nascent molten globe

N KOREA

i am tired
it is monday

i am a statue of dust in the drs waiting room
accidentally i'm all in black

hatchbacks do the school run
sliding by in cool spring blue

all day
i have urgently and deliberately ignored
the 
threat of the scientific sun
topical talk i've deflected
with bravado jokes
and 
a smile on the move

and 
i brace myself now for the help
thats 
coming

and i sit in this silence/power cutting on and off
building
my particles
slowly
into sentences i believe

EASTER ROCK OF AGES

PROB THE VERY STONE JESUS ROLLED FROM HIS CAVE 

LOOK LIKE AN ALIEN

to 
understands mans inhumanity to man
and
get
the chaos in acceptable boxes
labbeled GEOPOLITAL INFLUENCE and WHAT WAR IS GOOD FOR
act like an alien in orbit
frowning 
thinking
BUT THEY ARE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED . . .
and follow the flow of currency
to
the
small
party
islands
and the swiss accounts and the huge defense contracts
and medical trials
and media empires
and 
then nod sagely and sadly
THESE MAMMAL MUTANTS GOT PRIORITIES ALL SKEWED . . .

but
follow the love too
it
will
take you to Butan and wicker hippies steam power weed mills
and
stalls
of bagged nuts and dry flakes in hemp bags
at the free festivals 
and mall pavilions
all white dreads and chunky-knit rainbow cardies

and
to
the 
charities struggling against government
and 
the willfull ignorance of professional advice
and
blind insistence
on
the war on drugs/where the laws create the enemy

or 
listen to the retired leaders 
who have
waited till now
to
publically
speak
sense
when their business interests arent affected
and 
re-election is a thing of the dirty past

and 
see inbetween these all us regular folk
working all day
worried and helpless under the big picture 
HD clear 
behind the storm clouds of media 
that
comes
on
like
a
shaking black coffee panic/earth cracked and hollow

so
act like an alien and pass by
or get off grid
or live well and kind in your necessary bubble
touching
the
flowers
gently
when they manage to bloom
and
trust
to gaia
that she wont take this shit from man for too long

because
its
too
late
to enlighten the proles now they got interweb porn 
and 
state
cheques
for eight Ace