My last trip to the hospital today before the old green needle. The lasers doing their same similar work while I watched the screen, waiting for The Tortelli’s theme music to come on. Pa Tortelli got well pissed again in front of the footy and slapped Ma Tortelli round the face because she got a speeding ticket. How I laughed as the lasers cut cancer from my legs. Sissy Tortelli was pregnant and too scared to say anything even though she was well nearly showing. So primitive! I laughed some more; it was well twisted in that hairy flat, with all their rank shaving.
They took me to see Brian Nine (b) after the lasers, over in the New Wing. He was hanging up in his grow pod all smooth and glistening, glossy like expensive candy or the pictures in Brenda’s. He was coming on fine they said, all anomalies being cut out as the lasers built him up.
I went home at faster miles an hour and we Brian’s played football in the evening out in the foyer with the Stan’s who lived above us. We always beat the Stan’s with our fine kicking feet. I was in goal. We won, three nil. Have that Stan’s!
In The Tortelli’s in the evening Johnny ‘Eggplant’ O’Bergine came and banged on the door all loud and angry, his face well red and called Pa Tortelli a ‘useless honky mother’ and Pa Tortelli called him an ‘eggfuckingplant’ and Tortelli Jr. went for him with a shiny bat well wound up. Johnny backed off and Sissy told them she was pregnant and cried all over Ma Tortelli who looked well mortified at the news. We laughed ourselves utterly ragged and ran about the flat shouting ‘honky mother’ and ‘eggfuckingplant’.
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