FEAR EVEN TO ONCE GLANCE

now

the
system orchestrated mindset

demands rolling explanations

for absence from the day machine

&

it

comes

out

as

a beg / a whine / an excuse

& pleas for understanding

when

i should
be unapologetically ill

a still turning 

burning windmill 

on the overlook hill

sacrificed to home experiments

& slo-mo soft-blazing 

a strange new trail

thru the heart of darkness 

where half the healthy fear 

to even once glance

NO BELL TO EVER RING

to be ill
all the time

an everyday sicknote

well its like 

being sent to the corner
to stare at the wall

no chair allowed

the world alive

behind you

A CATCH 22

well i put my boots on

& 

i walked on down the hall

& 

i addressed the naysayers there

   

'it would be easier'

 i said

'to get better 

 you know

 

 if i already wasnt so ill'

PICASA MADRIGALS, ILL & DONT FLUSH

1.

it would be easier

to get well

if i wasnt ill

2.

soviet era tranqs

monitor

17 lines

of freeze dried coffee

haiku falls out -

dont flush

I DREAMED OF A PARTY

go to a party

only allowed in the hallway

given glossy mags to read

cluster of us 
on hard wooden chairs

front door right there

boasts about the sound system
valves and wood
but no music plays

whisper goes round
host is ill

host is ill . . .

wrap it up ?

wrap it up

front door is right there
perfect

we leaving

best party ever

from pinterest

TWO HEALTH POPS

      DYING LIGHT

      our soft pools
         cloud
       in
 the  unkillable crematorium autumn

     our tunnel mazes
       clog  
     in
       the
 carehome  winter

   ( all the plumbers have been deported )

  but our memories
      shine  brighter
  divorced from reason 
         from  their wild edges

 age drenches them in a rose coloured sun
      
       now 
    everything was  always     
         a
  widescreen  childhood summer

from en.wikipedia.org

      SUSTAINED

   yesterday i felt a 3.5 out of 10

      today i am a 4

   i  hug my wife-elect
 i  squeeze our retired cat

       i  write down  
   w h a t e v e r
   i  can  think of
 watching the weather and the sun

 i pick a movie
     a book
   a spiral scratch 

 a slice of timed art is time out
a journeydream in other skin

  these Everyday Miracles = sustained

       tomorrow 
  i will be prob a 4 still

  or  maybe a 5.6 . . ?

  and  thats ok 
    today

from livewithcfs.blogspot.co.uk

ILL POP

illness fascinates
the patient in his boredom
pills rattle like rain