STUCK TO FLUID GUNS

as a surface dweller
i find 

the caverns of deep thought
stifling & frightening & a trap
bereft as i assume they must be
of real light & good air

& the tvs clever 

movie twists & tricks

of in-jokes & easter eggs
stink of vanity
to me now

it wasnt always this way

i am in function retreat

& i stick to my fluid guns

INBOX SADNESS

after
six
months
off
sick

i made it back
to my nhs desk

where the welcome back cards
were as absent
as the get well cards had been

and my inbox 
was truly
a wonder to behold

~

there was fear in their eyes

like my incompetence was catching

and my frequent meetings in HR

like
a
rash

that could spread

~

i limped on for another six months
part time and useless
a leper to the union

till i was let go
with a £40 gift card
and a £50 debt
from a payday mistake

after
11 or 12
years

of being the best there ever was

~

tens of thousands unread
in that inbox 

maybe a record

i
deleted
the
lot
that same day

and it felt like i struck a blow

against
some
undefinable
something

~

being let go by the nhs ?
very hard to achieve

but i did it

and everytime i look out
any of my back windows
i can see the hospitals admin tower

a blunt beacon
over
the
autumn forest

and i wonder
in vanity

if
anyone
looks
over this way for me

at all

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