TO THE TUNE OF THE DRUGS DONT WORK BY THE VERVE

 

all this time of being ill

its getting me down, my love

like gas in a lamp, waiting to be lit

this time its 'all in my mind'

now the drs dont help

they just makes things worse

but

sure 

i'll

take

their
drugs
again

A BLACKBERRY 850 IN A TOUCHSCREEN 4G WORLD

with an old mobile

that needs constant recharging

you carry the charger everywhere

stick it in the socket at Pret

or the office desktop

but

what if your charger

is your bedroom ?

and when it starts up again

its sluggish and unresponsive

and the one pale battery bar

feels like a lie

well

what if that phone

is like you at breakfast ?

once it starts up

you know you wont have power for long

so you quickly send a text or two

anxiously watching

to check they actually send

but

what if that's

how you talk ?

it wont cope with streaming media

no oomph left for modern apps

but you can play Snake still

for a little while anyway

but

what if you hate Snake

and Snake is your holiday ?

and the ringer and the alerts

are feeble bleeps

and you wouldn't make 3 minutes

with an actual call

well

what if that call

is your family Xmas ?

you wind the brightness down

you turn off push notification

you take the back off

you pull the battery out

you warm it up on a rad

you leave it in vinegar

and all sorts of other

half-arsed hopeful tricks

well

what if that's your

endocrine system ?

your limbic system ?

your guts ?

and you don't want a new phone

cos its not that old

so you take it to the phone shop

and they say look

put roaming back on

put push alerts back on

put updates back on

they say look

with all that off

it might save you battery time

but you've de-conditioned it

when you should have maintained

and

also

DON'T do ANYTHING with it

you read online

well

what if that's your Dr ?

maybe in the past

you topped up the charge too often

maybe its had a rough run

bouncing about with no case

maybe in pockets with keys and change

and there's all the times

it was left in the sun

at festivals and barbecues

beer splashes wiped away

with a t shirt sleeve

but

what if there's no clear reason

that you can find ?

and you remember all the times

it ran red hot after 5 min calls

and you remember the first day

you took it off charge in the morning

and it was almost dead still

and all your texts were gone

and all your contacts had disappeared

and you knew then

you couldn't depend on it anymore

well

what if that's

your memory ?

your mental agility ?

your lexicon ?

and every time you use it

you got a nasty feeling

you're only making it worse

cos you don't really know

do you ?

well

what if that's you

your body

and

your

life ?

from wallpaperup.com

ME/CFS ANALOGY

everyones had a mobile they used for years

the battery aint what it used to be

dont last long

and needs constant recharging

you carry the charger everywhere

sticking it in the socket at work or in Pret

cant depend on it lasting

goes dead often

plug it in the wall again

wait for it to start up again- its sluggish

eventually you see the network providers emblem

and one pale yellow battery bar

once it starts up you know you wont have much power for long

so you quickly send a text or two

anxiously watching to check theyre sent

no chance of facetime

or web surfing

no checking your email let alone streaming media

cant even play Brickbreaker anymore

you know you might miss any texts back

because the ringer and the alerts

are pitifully quiet these days

and you wouldnt make 30 seconds with an actual call

you tried keeping the brightness wound right down too

and taking the back off

pulling the battery out

warming it up

leaving it in vinegar

all sorts of shit on internet forums

but it always dies before it ever loads a page

maybe in the past you topped up the charge too often

never let it run right down to nothing 

like youre supposed to

maybe its had a rough run

bouncing about without a case in the bottom of backpacks

or in pockets with keys and heavy change

theres all the times it was left in the sun

at festivals and barbecues

you hastily wiped beer splashes away with a tshirt sleeve

and you remember all the times it ran red hot

after 30 min calls

you remember the first day you took it off charge in the morning

and

it

was

dead

and knowing then you couldnt depend on it 

outside the house 

or in it

anymore

you admit you need a new phone

but

youre stuck with a Nokia 2110 

with twenty years of use

in

an

iphone5s

world

from wikipedia

ITS ALRIGHT MA, FLOWERS GROW IN SHIT

so
you wake up on the dead side of the moon
and
you recognise it
because you been there before
and
you puke warm bile
every morning at 3 AM
and
your eyes are empty and cold as ice cream scoops
and
youre rammed in your own sweating stink crack
where
theres
no 
time
or
light
till something clicks or cracks forever
inside your deepest guts 
and
you go on a go-slow
and 
never speed up again ever
and
numbers look like egyptian writing 
all wolf heads and square cats
and
they
call it ME or they call it CFS or they call it suck-it-looser
when
you
feel like one of those dog turds
thats got rubber bands hanging from it
linking
up
shit
clumps
in a horrible convoy
and
you end up at 6.45 AM queueing for more blood tests
with
the 
ordinary ogres 
wishing
they
find
you
a
cooler
disease