INCREDIBLE BULLSHITTING MAN 1; FLEECE NO FLEECE

Now I wake in the bowfarts now its Monday.  Mind scene is Sunday-night squashed-orange apocalypse sun - Sex Pistols Submission plays despite silence.  In scalding shower I’m feeble feel scared feel shakey.  

News says helicopter need 44 hours maintenance for 1 hour flying crashes 31 marines are over.  News says law to prison uncharged people pushed forward. 

Tie new Caterpillas up tight I belch breakfast egg.  Too tired I yawn terrible tears.  It is St Timothy’s Day had bad guts bible says drink wine not water.

Lift at Bear Corner now in back of boss Julies blue Corolla.  Janine up front hands folding over handbag holding fags.  So tired I’m seeing tracers stripe over fresh turned fields.  Dirty lazy cloud lays low. 

Go by Eastern Garage;

HOW COMES HE SELLS THEM PORSCHES SO CHEAP? Julie says as if no one knows.

I DON’T KNOW Janine says half-deaf doesnt hear.  Always saying I DON’T KNOW in cars then looks shifty.

Cushion-cloud like dihydrocodeine cuddling me makes irritation impossible.

COS THEY’RE SECOND HAND, BEEN THRASHED HIGH MILEAGE, AND PARTS AND INSURANCE COST A MINT I say.

Boss Julie gone blank Janine nodding looks shifty.

Office scene is waking computers whir then stutter.  Blank monitors blink then strobe.  Bad lights blur then glare.  I feel all 4 AM. 

New guy starts.  Looks like thin Asian Lenny Henry.  Announcing hes Muslim but dont pray or anything.  Says dont worry about bacon or nothing.  Says got 8 cars driveway full.  Nightmare getting out he says. 

CALL ME ASH NICKNAME COS I USED TO SMOKE SO MUCH,  STILL SMOKE BUT DON’T WANT KIDS TO SEE, SET AN EXAMPLE THAT’S WHY I WORK, DONT NEED TO, LOADED ME, FROM WRITING SONGS, ROYALTIES IN MY WIFES NAME, SET AN EXAMPLE, GAVE UP WAS EASY BUT I GET THEM SO CHEAP, ANYONE WANT SOME?  

Lists 8 cars.  Ones silver limited edition Mercedes SL.  No one knowing what to say.

Boss Julie taking him to Personnel get him a pass and that.  Boss Julie not crying eyes clear.  Desperate for distraction got some.

Buzz is; 8 cars?  Consensus is; judgement reserved.

HARD BEING NEW ISN’T IT THO?  LOOK AT THE STATE OF THOSE TEA TOWELS, ALWAYS FORGET TO TAKE THEM HOME AND WASH THEM.  I’LL PUT THEM IN MY BAG NOW Janine says.

Everyone goes mumsy goes THE LITTLE ‘UN about a  grandkid acted up.  Everyone clasping coffee cups nodding and nudging.  Faded ink faxes flow out fax ignored.  Everyone goes OOOH everyone goes AAAH.  Its like the blandest dream I ever had.

LUCOZADE SO EARLY? Richard says.

I LOVE THE SMELL OF GLUCOSE IN THE MORNING I say.

Rolls his eyes at the women shuffles off clutches papers and PDA.

Vicky’s coming in 8 minutes late.  Hangs up small bag and small coat spraying perfume up small tunic.  Tells me got some horror scenes stuck in her head she cant shift she says. 

WHAT FILM WAS THAT? I say.

I DON’T KNOW DO I? 

DESCENT?

NO!

THE ORIGINAL RING?

NO!

ERASER HEAD?

SHUT UP!

WIZARD OF OZ?  I CAN’T WATCH THAT EVER AGAIN.

SHUT UP FORD YOU DICK! 

CHILL OUT GINGER BOY.

WHY THEY ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT GRANDKIDS?  I’M OFF TO SEE MY MUM GET SOME MONEY she says.

Julie supervisor coming in for small flat-bed trolley sighs hello.  Had corn rows at interview gone now.  Eyes like Cameron Diaz still there.

GOT TO GO BACK TO MY CAR.  FORD, GOT AN NHS FLEECE FOR YOU IN THE BACK IF YOU WANT IT she says.

OK.  NEED A HAND? I say.

Car park stuffed with hatchbacks slopes downhill.  Looks like toy town to me.  A nurse is nervous veers onto verge.  Parked walks away looks behind.  I pull pink files out of pink Golf boot.  Theres pink Kickers in there.  Fresh air is good blue of ghosts up there.  Gives me her fleece JULIE S written in it.

NEVER WORN IT FORD she says.

YOU LIKE PINK?  YOU GOT PINK BOOTS IN YOUR PINK BOOT.

FAVOURITE COLOUR FORD she says.

Office scene is I write Ford in felt-tip now says Ford/Julie.  Our names together feels intimate.  In it I am bona fide.  NHS it says with our Trust underneath.

OOOH LOOK AT THE BLUE EYED BOY Janine says.

Shirley Rose and me down ITU is a pre-fab.  Floor creaks bent over bumps.  I take trach-care off shelves seriously sort it right.  Keep active keep awake.  Cant believe how big a day is.

FUCKING MESS SHIRLEY ROSE, STORE ROOMS A HOLE I say.

I KNOW FORD Shirley Rose says laughs loud.

Knackered relative stayed the night coming in.  Bags under bleary eyes dont know where he is.  Sharon ward manager might be Egyptian finds him frowns fierce at us.

GOT TO WATCH WHERE YOU SWEAR FORD Shirley Rose says.

GOT TO WATCH YOUR LAUGHING, THEY CAN HEAR YOU OVER IN POST GRAD I say. 

Shirley Rose laughing.

ITU housekeeper twitchy eye coming in tells us they’ll need more 60ml cath-tip syringes to last the week she says.  Tells us they got a man in a bed crashed into suicide died jumping off A13 bridge.  Selfish they say.  Obviously not thinking straight was he i say.

Lunch is corned beef in brown baps.  Crossword book out CAVALIER and CORNISH I say.  Cram fuel in watch coffee cool mesmerised by steam.  Tense and trapped I go outside smoking alone count birds on broken conifer.  New guy Ash gone up Admin Block lunch with his wife works in legal.

EIGHT CARS! everyone says ROYALTIES? SONGS?.

PM scene is up Level D shift stock out big trolley to small flat-bed go in the renal ward unpack.  Machines bing and chime bright and calm.  Clear away empty boxes nurses leave everywhere.  Deftly catergorise catheter drawer.  Nurse getting ear re-pierced drips red blood laughter and squeals. 

Warm on wards new bona fide fleece out in corridor in big trolley.  Finished I go back its fucking bloody gone.  Made me feel bona fide.

Mattress collection dude wears a fleece is yards away.  Not seen him in a fleece before.  Bona fide.  I stare him evils by Osteoporosis.  Watch for guilt.  See no sign.  Feel like a cunt.

Office scene is boss Julie acts surprised to find fleeces boxed under her desk.  Me and Ash try them on.  I write DO NOT STEAL in back of mine.  Everyone wanting new one now tutting.

HOW DID SHE NOT KNOW THEY WERE THERE? 

I ASKED FOR ONE MONTHS AGO! 

Making me feel bona fide. 

Home scene is I pen pithy prose raw and rushed then shattered I shower then 6 PM shout SHITS at faces failing on quiz show then re-run Simpsons WE OBEY THE LAWS OF THERMO-DYNAMICS IN THIS HOUSE Homer says. 

Dinner is soup then waffles out the toaster eggs on them brown sauce.  Now I pour large brandy ice cracks under amber.  On sofa on TV J Bourne slides apart Motorola I used to have he drops it.  Old films are old but am amazed at how old new films are.  

Tired to tears.  Ice cracks under amber.