SMELLING THE SAME OLD ROSES PT 1

life is more 

an exercise in 

understanding the repetition

than a test 

to provoke 

any emotional response

its smelling the same old roses

always deadheaded

when you look away

IN MY COLLAPSED BULK

 

i talk 
& gone relatives echo
in my tone & word choice
in my habit & repetition

i sit
in the tired armchair
& gone relatives reverb & sync
into my collapsed bulk

& the small scissors 

worrying at the hangnails
& the torn burs 

of my anxious 

devil fingers

well someone else used to do that too

CAFE MADRIGAL 3 - VALIDATION RUSH

and if this place
doesnt feel real

it may be cos its not

like the singer said -

'i am on the moon
 but more so'

~

and i listen
and i try to follow

what
the
people
say

what 
these
mutants 
bark

spayed sanctuary un-wolves
too blinkered 
to see the moon

~

but its all said so quick
all some open sluice rush
( filters long time binned )

just to get it said it seems
( tick that box )
and a need to hear agreement

essential morning validation
over bacon
in the breakfast cafe

~

it
clears
their
day

( i am supposing )

to fish for more 
building resentment

they can escalate

with 
  unconscious 
    silent 
      internal 
        repetition
  unconscious
    silent
      internal
        repetition

during the tv night

ready to blast again
at
the
next
days
yes-man breakfast

from tripadviser.co.uk

IT ALL MAKES ME ALMOST CRY

the wallpaper
i choose for my new room
when
we
moved
in 1979

makes me almost cry 
when i think
of it now

the nails driven
into the partition wall
for airfix models
i 
wasnt 
really 
into

makes me almost cry
when i think
of them now

that toy motorbike
i got for xmas
that wasnt a toy
but
a
model
and not for play

makes me almost cry 
when i think 
of it now

the sundays 
out on my bmx alone
holding onto
the weekend freedom
before
bewildering
compulsory
school

makes me almost cry
when i think 
of them now

the toy garage
on my boxroom bedroom floor
that could have been anything
before the lights went on

make me almost cry
when i think 
of it now

the plastic ice lolly molds
we used to put orange squash in
and
then let it melt
on the kitchen backstep
cos
it
tasted
better
that way

almost make me cry
when i think 
of them now

the trailer 
i would crawl under
and the laurel tree
i would hide in
hoping for adventure

makes me almost cry
when i think 
of them now

the tall pear tree i would climb
out the front
and sit on the high brick wall there
hidden
but
seeing
everything

makes me almost cry
when i think
of it now

all the tears
i shed
on sunny afternoons
mad
with
ennui
and
weird fear unexpressable

makes me almost cry 
when i think
about it now

chart pop from the early 1980s
when i got my own radio
and
listened
to
radio 1
after 
bewildering
compulsory 
school

hardly make me almost anything anymore
cos
the
endless useless radio repetition
has
taken
all
meaning 
away
forever

and that makes me glad
when i think
of it now