NOTEBOOK ON MY KNEE

i write OLD
five times
in the notebook
on my knee

& then TIME
seven times
with this pen
that the nibs
gone all feathery

& next is war
& i write that like a whisper
like this would make
all the tanks & planes
turn into whispers too

& last BOLLOX
eight times
one for each season of the year

IF THE RAIN, A FRAGPOP

& next year

i will be older

like a tree is taller

if the rain & sun

GOLD & SILVER & RED & BLUE

the presents i got
from them
as a child

were wrapped
in the shiniest
of gift paper

gold & silver & red & blue

it was sad that had to stop

~

time takes things
that you dont know
& they dont know

till all of you are old

& running your movie back

dressed the colour of sand

PUBLIC FUNDED CAREHOME CANVAS

if youth
is wasted on the young

then health
is wasted on the chipper

i say

prescribe the sick 

lab-perfect medicinal whizz
& 

give the old & retired & forgotten 

lashings of military grade gak

& let the poor bastards dance again

~

& millstone clocks lifted

from their old bread necks

they shall paint societies revenge 

beautiful & kind & colourful 

on public funded carehome canvas

AGE POP

well
i never been
this old before

i said out loud
staring down the barrel of it

my heroes dead
&
enemies in charge

FEELING OLD BUT KINDRED

after dark
theres laughter
from over the rec

unhinged in the dark velvet

they must be huffing glue
or nitrous
or something new

bless their stab at freedom

but such dangerous escape

i think

feeling old but kindred

PLEASE DISCUSS 2, SUNROOM RUGS

 

as the saying goes

i am old enough & ugly enough 

to know that shit changes

but why does it turn into shit ?

like 

weightlifters 

cleaning out 

the stallions stables

onto your sunroom rugs

~

please discuss

you have one hour

ask if you need more paper

AN IMPOSSIBLE PONDER

older now
&
i look back
&
i wonder

if i am anywhere close
to how the younger me

had dreamed
or hoped
he would be

but i am too scared to look

& i remember now - so was he

OLD KINDERHOOK GAGAKU

TAKE 1

i try not to judge

unless youre a manson goblin
or a bona fide nazi mistake

or doing the tv stupid 

theres always a new lexicon afoot

to keep me up on my split toes

'its ok not to be ok' they say

yes 

but then 

what DOES ok mean ?

maybe i am just old 

anal & flat & cold

TAKE 2

but i agree / why not why not ?

it is ok to not be ok

i am open & i try not to judge

unless youre a manson goblin
or bona fide nazi mistake
or doing the tv stupid

maybe i am just old

swamped & tired of bailing

in the mysteries of speech

or 

just anal 

just flat 

just cold

photo - Lamp Shade No Shade from the Dagenham Archives

DREAM FUDGE POP HOSP 2

the civvy-clad corpses 

gone cold-stiff

looked child-thrown

out 

on 

the 

loading bays concrete stage

its cement cracks edged with frost moss 

~

i tried to fold them

&

i tried to hide them

in the new snowfall

& 

shovelled piled ice 

in that hectic dream panic 

that might wake a regular man

~

police passed without a word

we shared a look -

workers all alone 

& we knew it

all of us rabbit hole deep 

inside 

an 

obligated 

national service of the soul

~

authors note -

i dreamed all of this

before the covidien came

portentous perhaps ?

but 

in the dream world 

it was noel fielding 

running the ITU...

photo Lift Off from the Dagenham Archive

DELIRIUM TAPAS VOL 9

red book
black cat

stars on 45

i am under the sky - duh

reduxed

&
blackmailing
the
sunlit uplands
of
soul


~


the page is dry
is old

its turning sound
heard a hundred fold

pdsa paperbacks for one hundred pence

i enjoy its sepia
that reptile texture

its smell & telling told

photo - Six Fuzztown Stoplights from the Dagenham Archive

CONFUSION & TV

NEO KUR

all equal
in
the
unlight

suicide love 
or 
pro-martyr - dont matter 

in the daytime tv
land of slim returns

~

those
escaped
make
relevant 
offerings
&
rhythm method puns

to carry us thru avenged

to
prime
times
kamikaze romantic
hardsell



CONFUSED

& i think

am i old
or just awake ?

enlightened unfooled delusion
on
tap 
these days

whod have thought
id get
those two
confused . . .



HARD AS HELL 

tv show over

&
the
ghost
of
me 
clings to credit scroll

to fade out music

to any last gags

then-
must face the world

was hard as hell
as a child

sunday night nerve jags
blakes 7 on
dressing gown 
dry roasted

echoes still

from blakes7online.com

THE WORST DREAM

i 
dreamed 
the sky was newsprint epitaphs
and
i 
was
very normal - a forgettable grey 
              and 
              ashamed

and 
i grew older and blander
and 
i was fading and shrinking
into
unnoticeable
head-down
zipped-up beige

and i tried to yell to my dreamself
no
no
nooooooo

but i didnt hear

from the bugoutbagguide.com

A TALE OF ORDINARY FOLKS

the young guy in the corner shop
dont
like
dogs
at all

hates it if they get in there

even if theyre tiny or old

so 
sometimes
i will carry them out for him
when 
i 
am 
in 
there
squinting at the headlines
and
buying
crisps and rizla

i dump them on the pavement
where
he
will
watch them on his cctv
with
a
wary
eye

after i firmly closed the door

from www.littleangelsrescuebg.org

TRILOGY POPTARDS

1.

say well done
and
pat me on the head like a puppy
thirsty for the loving cup

cos
when our meat fails
our chance is gone

if
it
was
there
at
all


2.

happiness
is
a good feed / sunshine

sadness
has
depth / longevity / romance

and where they meet
is
the
peace 
inside

elusive and rewarding - even before phones


3.

dont call me old
dont say next stop 50
dont say middle aged
     or 
     make me tick the 35 - 45 box

dont say
        ooooh he dont like hearing that
     or
        ooooh touched a nerve did we

just say
        that
            i am alive
        and
            thats good
        and    
            well done
            
            You Are Doing OK 
            
            today

from vesselsministry.com

OLD HIWAY TO S'END

  the old hiway to s'end
is
a
clot
of drivethrus now 
  the
blacktop frozen 
into 
ripples like a lowtide beach

  pubs are boarded up
in
armour of silver steel
and
  all the roadside bungalows 
  shed their paint like scabs

  the old hiway to s'end
hunches
its subway shoulders 
  weighed down by newbuild towers
under
skyroads treading heavy in lowcloud 
  so
  doomlike 
  and
  dull strong grey 

 from piley.blogspot.com - southend essoldo, warrior square