Tuesday 31 July 2012

WAFFLE SKY WAFFLE SKY



there’s BBQs smoking sausages
under the blue waffle sky
and
monkeys
relax on fire
behind those faded pastel garages
cocking airguns for plinking
where the spilt glue
goes soft
sticks to kids three stripe trainers
under
the
waffle sky

waffle sky


Monday 30 July 2012

WEIRD SENSATIONS

in a hosp
storeroom
with silver trolleys with wires and cuffs and stuff about
and a pillar
shoots up thru the room all rude and blank stare
and i
get
a
weird
sensation


i'm what?  three floors up on a hill facing south
and
this
is
a
room in the world/seems special
and
i
am
the Only One in here now/in this Room in the World


what things might this feeling mean?  this special weird tingle of 
supremacy? control? dominance?


its a moment/a morning to catch in my gut
and blend with the dense sea fug in there
and
my wire thin architecture mind thinks clear for a second
KNOWING
nothing special or weird is going on here


ONLY AT WORK/DUMBASS


but my feet feel the floating floor/the artificial shades of plastic
with
no
sod
or
clod
or green leafy structure to soften the harsh blank pillar
or creepy man meccanno


fuck it
fuck the world


tonight i'll shave my head close



Sunday 29 July 2012

STORM


the calm before the storm
lasted
six years this time
it
was
productive and coloured by gin and dresses


the storm was hot white and ferocious/a three month scream
and the aftermath
is
chemically
handled
and artificial/storm still rages shades of realities to smashed up shards
somewhere deep inside and blows itself out in slices
in
the 
therapists rented rooms


Saturday 28 July 2012

BASILDON PLASTIC SPOON 199?




we’re all drinking tequila/prob first time/prob only jose.
keep
ordering
rounds.
barmaid coming over tray with the salt and all that.
mostly empty in here.
blokes round the pool table start an argument/get lary and
one
grabs a
plastic spoon/threatens his mate brandishing it
brandishing a plastic spoon!
and
WE CANNOT BELIEVE IT/WE’RE LAUGHING/PLASTIC SPOON!
later
we’re all back in someone’s house/folks away/cheap lager.
we’re chucking fag butts down behind the sofa cos no one can find an ashtray around
and
no one likes him anyway and some go in the fish tank.
someone’s fucking someone in his bedroom and he’s pissed off.
his front door gets broken round the hinges
when
pizzas come and he paying pissed off.
and
i’m
spending some time on the roof/freaking out whoever’s upstairs fucking.
fish tank is getting turned off cos no one can sleep on the carpet and the sofa with all the noise and the tropical  light.
so
we’re
walking home
across enormous empty car parks/bricked up flats/skirting the mall and out by the station/down the hospital hill
and we’re resting up
climbing in an abandoned Citroen/roofs been cut off
and
smoke cigarettes
watching the dawn come up on fire over the
Fivebells roundabout laughing about the guy
brandishing
a
plastic spoon.


Friday 27 July 2012

SCOTCH




instantly wasted

i’d emptied bottles

blue ½ hr
then
i flared

only ½ shot
of whisky left!

stormed about
considering
calling friends
taking desperate trains
weird journeys
for any
cabinet handout

hits me like a free wave

a
loose disaster

i
perpetuate
with only
big stellas and spliff

hard times
in
the
Whighut when the only scotch there is
is in my belly





Thursday 26 July 2012

LIFES NOT A VIDEO GAME



these moments
you know?

THESE moments!

its not
that i want
to change it all

DESPERATELY

(for my baby heart)

but just

to live it again

A LORD! hear me
and
let me live it

again

but
mission failed . . .

(in
video games
you get to go
again
instantly
armed with KNOWLEDGE)

A LORD! can I not
take a Billigan
on these late whining nights
where
hot mortal
promise
has merely
brushed
my baby motor and browning fronds?


Wednesday 25 July 2012

DR PLEASE


hey surgeon!
draw your circle plans
on MY sad gut
and
i’ll
punch plum coloured bruise shapes
all over
your
Mercedes
face

save your talents for EMERGENCIES i say
or
i’ll
batter your knees with this oxygen manifold

then steal your knife-trim wife

who
will
spit black on your
shining
laminate
gravestone/cheque book in a bone dry mitt

your family album photo frozen
and
dated
in
a
plastic oval

your flat side-parting cheese forever





Tuesday 24 July 2012

HORSE PEOPLE IN THE SUN



strange people
dirt-tanned the colour of the horses they ride
in bobble hat helmets
of 
fake crochet
in hiccuping tailbacks
on
the
hosp
back road/the bunny dappled giant rat hill
of
misty breakdown mornings

i weave thru spitting summer flies
thinking
I NEVER SEEN A LOOKER ON A HORSE
but thats not true
i have

just not many

and not around here




Monday 23 July 2012

WEAKDAYS


‘man!’
i go

     (there’s
     werds-thousands of them at faster miles an hour
     and people! everywhere. . . )

‘christ!’
i go

default

‘cant help you’
i cry out

default

‘cos i’m not alive’

i
stare into office eyes
into
tied down gym system lives

‘i cant help you’
i cry out

default

‘i’m not alive’




Sunday 22 July 2012

TO PARAPHRASE IGGY




‘anything counts
     now,
     
     the
     gods
all suck,

     anything
goes around here’

f**cking A!





Saturday 21 July 2012

HOSP BED


another bed.

shocking decline.

classic says the nurse a friendly ogre with a perm.

fluids go in and fluids come out.

bed sides are up now.

hollow face.

white hair.

like all the rest now made of old grey paper.

nan has left the building

even
if
her
body
lays there breathing quickly in front of us.



Friday 20 July 2012

TAN LINE

razor thin thong tan line
on
the slim subtle exposed lower bent back
of the polish cafe girl
is
caramel on soft choclate
and
accentuates
the uniform grey of the gods turned back
low
and
breathing
and
raining in blusty fits
on soggy fag butts
and mud swamp corners
and car flood puddles
the
amubulances
WHUMMP
thru







Thursday 19 July 2012

SLEEP


when doing the
night struggle with the short death
staring at fuzzy night nothing
breathing like a Buddhist breathing
i
been told
by
friends on the floor in ratty sleeping bags
and
exhausted sisters on the top bunk
and
girls indignant or concerned
and
sofa slumber strangers
that
i
snore like a passed out drunk/like four tractors/like someone who’s about to choke
but
i’m
awake i think
AWAKE

i sleep THAT lightly now



Wednesday 18 July 2012

TIRED AND STUNTED ON COKE 2




i am almost a nothing
as
i
thunder
piss
on the garden stones/waltz thru hot wet fronds
stroke me like fingers/like welcome

i am
like the last man alive
finally
on
his
first day over the edge

the swings are tied up
for winter
in a frozen
 scene
like
a
movie/where the apocalypse is quiet and neat
and redemption lies
a few
easy tricks
away

inside
i
confuse the
lights/switches loud like breaking glass
and
they only
uselessly
light
the empty rooms
behind me
in odd shadows
shaped like
the beaks
of night monsters

in the spare room
i
remember
all other times here with
a clarity i only ever discover
in the ultimate late fried state;
the Nazi drawings on my feet in the overhung morning shower
and
the long limbo
afternoons
sick
and
sweating on the thin mattress
mortal with indecision/my
bag
already packed
waiting for whatever or nothing or the something everything
to
show
a
sign
in the dead moth dust

i
anally
line up
my stuff
on the
book shelf
of
Kermaz
King
Leonard
& Lee
putting all my keys and drugs and fags and wallet and everything
in
neat
symmetrical lines
and
pile
my loose change
in denomination order

before

i try to sleep thinking that feeling like
an almost nothing tired shell-boy
should bring slumber suddenly

but

obviously

it

doesn’t


Tuesday 17 July 2012

PEOPLE

i love people
who never exaggerate or embellish
anything
that
happens
to them 
at all/no pretension or pose

believe
and 
enjoy
their drunken stories the most


i believe their hangover WAS the worst in the world


they
are mostly
poor and happy/with wisdom from contentment


but
rarely
creative


i love creative people . . . 











Monday 16 July 2012

MONDAY

a wake up call 
when
youre wasted
and
most want
to
rest


the short sick tease
of
weekend
already a fuzzy forgotten impression


monday


again


and always



shit . . .

Sunday 15 July 2012

DAYS




its no matter what we’d all do
with
our
long hard or short and lost
Dorsett or Devon or Dudley days

whether 
we’d 
make a masterpiece or a disaster piece
or plead manically or manfully in monolith churches between glass cafes
or wallow in partition walls with huge numbers and clicking flicking function keys
or play at pretending skimpy or naked with products and ponies in pastures or malls
or weep professionally in black in council gardens for family or friends or folks on the falling hill

we'd all
scrub our sore scratched bum-bums clear of clingy tell tale trails
and
feed out yowling stomachs and thunder headaches and secret habits innocent harmless or weird
and
clean away
the
eternal grease dust and clump hair and flake skin
off
all
our
precious possessions and shifted furniture and staked up kipple dams
smiling bravely daily
into the ancient sculpted blank wall faces
of disappointment
and
we'd fake and hold in panic and fear and gratitude onto whatever and whichever
small-gasms
that
make
it all just ok

until
its time to hide and die all night in the dark with the outrageous reality of dreams
and flooding running sweats
and the rustle-thud popping noises we'd never ever identify EVER
to
burst confused and coughing and thirsty into more similar mornings
and
try
it all
again




Saturday 14 July 2012

13/07/12 MIDNIGHT TRAIN

pastel people young and drunk
check square hair and plastered side partings
in
the
night window/marsh and yaks outside


four-shoe girls scream
when a superdry bodywarmer with a brown takeaway bag
catches
them
pissing/they never pressed LOCK


wobbly blonde announces to everyone
that the facilities are awful
that the toilet wont flush
that theres piss on the seat
and
so
on/they never press FLUSH


looking like he escaped from an 80s rap video
tall-haired boy
touches
his
clothes
the whole journey/fingers his brown elbow patches
on
a
denim
shirt/has only the top button fastened


grobby roadie wears huge ID
plays
with
two ipods wearing fingerless gloves


at my station - Fuck Town
pink shirt office boy holds onto two
plastic bags
like theyre land bound lifebelts
gets off and walks the wrong way up the platform to nowhere


girl with olivia newton legs and ladies tattooed on her feet
breaks a wide smile
and
when
a
forty-plus bicardi bird falls out the train in a summer dress
(surrounded by her coven
who express
sympathy/concern/disgust/embarrassment)
her smile
grows
wider/'good here aint it?' i say
and
she
says
laughing that she just wants to go and 'noodle up in bed'


she tooters home on tall pink heels
dancing round
all
the small
puddles
peppering the torn tarmac of Fuck Town


i walk home two miles in the soft rain
wary
of the hoodies mumbling
in
the bushes
wondering why i dont hail any of the passing empty cabs







Friday 13 July 2012

BUNGALOW MULTIVERSES

i wake and dont move


not
for
ages


look at the coloured bed bumps


foot under quilt and throw


quiet 
then bin men rattle outside


i didnt put mine out again


dont move - 


my point is when i do rise
take
my
pills
and put the kettle on for the first time


everything will be instantly DIFFERENT
outside
the bedroom
walls


i will move thru the bungalow universes
experience
the hectic
with the calm


it bothers me the bed wont be this comfy again today
and
tho
the
rooms and the garden
are
connected by architecture
i
dont
feel
this connection
in
the
scrap of soul i retain