Saturday 30 June 2012

BBQ REGRETS


sorry
i left
your
BBQ
early.
sorry,
pressure and confusion and distance
made
me not
ride out
the BBQ horse.
sorry,
i said
in the beer can and carrier bag kitchen.
sorry
i said in the deserted dark front room
curtains still drawn from the night before.
sorry
i said
waiting for
a cab.
back in the day
in a different garden
i would have rode it to the bitter
screaming end.


Friday 29 June 2012

CRY OF JUNE 06


could’ve
stayed
sane

COULD’VE

but for
-   desire
-   time
-   panic
-   fear
-   enlightenment

now
insane

TORN OF DREAMS

i’m
hanging
     from
     the
bar
     too high



Thursday 28 June 2012

WHISKY POME


drag
out
my
own living leather/a cutlery monkey
writes
nightime words
to
exist
me
on a pad


Wednesday 27 June 2012

EVEN MUNTERS SHINE




there is
living porn
breathing walking 
sweating
on the
sun thick
streets

in the
empty gutted
PO
actresses wear little nothings
in the queue
and
in the
cool
supermarket
a woman in
sunglasses
delicately fills
her black top
choosing
her gossip
magazine

even Munters shine in this flaming June

ASHLEIGH
it says
above a
plain girls
arse
a handy
reminder
when her
face is
so bland
and
your balls
are sweating





Tuesday 26 June 2012

TO AN ASIAN DR


I seen
you
5 times
today

(we’re in a lift together)

is there
only
1 of you?

(we coincided; same pace same direction)

wot am i
saying?
got to be only 1 of you

(she’s smiling self aware 
light
and
life
in her eyes)

there’s only
1 as curvaliscious
as you,
I know your
underwear
is both big and small

(I say this mainly in my head)



Monday 25 June 2012

WRITING




cry words
out
on my desk
in
the brief hours/drinking unnecessarily heavily 
at the end of bad days

try
as hard as
my
learning and life and science
lets me
tho i know i could be cleaner/must 
up
my
game!

    but often i pump
artlessly
and     
can only
     hold on -
hoping
     to dream




Sunday 24 June 2012

EGONE


she
efficiently
followed her
relationship flowchart
to
my
harmless
email extinction


Saturday 23 June 2012

NOTE TO SELF


publish a new paper.
          fill
          it full of good
          news.
find the good and positive 
     in our
          struggle
     against the hard dawn.

and i laugh because that is not me at all.



Friday 22 June 2012

D3PR355I0N



it's there when he wakes before dawn 
twisting his guts into hot knots of barbed wire
he drags it to the shower
dead weight
big and black as thunder
and by the time the birds are bawling
and the weak winter sun draws shapes round the curtains
its shrunk to a black dog
that's fat and farting on the greasy kitchen lino
by the time he leaves for work
its packed tight in a backpack
and just about light enough
to travel with




Thursday 21 June 2012

BORIS THE BUNGLING BEAR


Boris the MP
jogs into
the photograph crowd

printed hat
from a hiking shop hides the blonde hurricane

calling out
MIND THE GAP
over and over
as he
muscles thru

oh, the humour 
of the bugling bear



Wednesday 20 June 2012

MORE NURSES



theres nurses
shaped like crystal glasses in wine coloured dresses

theres lady surgeons in blue pyjamas and paper hats hide their hair
this modesty makes their deep eyes shine

theres young support workers
their health zipped in tight grey
or swamped sweetly in loose teal

i
don’t want to know
wot you really wear
shopping and partying
out on civy street
because it will ruin everything
when
in my mind 
out of hours
you are ALL
dressed
in
leather
or
lace


Tuesday 19 June 2012

AT 6.00 AM



i am tired and rushed and morning hectic
and whatever - you know?
but my eggs have already boiled
and
a
shower
will only takes five minutes.

with effort i am relaxing on purpose
and
lighting a second cigarette
i
read
from
Watching It Burn

on the toilet

in silence

again.



Monday 18 June 2012

BAD MONDAY

because 
the detail of the world explodes in my face
like hot confetti
and the image of the sky reflected in my de-caff
is TOO interesting
and the world is pushing its planet mass UP
into my feet
and i feel every tick and fit and fart belch across 
all the land

am 
having
a
bad monday again



Sunday 17 June 2012

NURSES


the prettiest nurses
are the busiest ones
work
their way
up
the sick ladder - away from the front line
climb up
some young Dr.s snug Farah legs

not the teenage
chatty
cash & club hungry/still training
long shifts wash over them
in moans

not the fish wives
in blue dress ruts/attitude in their
wide pores
bounce from
ward to ward

not the motherly
eager to smile
living
on the front line
with monumental
tolerance

- all the put upon salt of an old earth


Saturday 16 June 2012

TOMORROWS CONVERSATIONS



playing
in the night
with
tomorrows conversations
i WONT have
i’ll smile my small cheeky efforts instead
defensive

SHOULD
tell that
year-long
divorcee/the ranter/that her blonde hair extensions
made me
think
she was
her own
younger sister

SHOULD
tell
bubble haired 40 desk lady
she is
SUPAHOT
in her special
and sweet
bubble hair childs way

(i saw her skip
literally SKIP
down our
bit
of level B
our spastic
wave we share
i treasure)

SHOULD say so much more all day
but WONT
smile my small cheeky efforts instead

too defensive . . . 


Friday 15 June 2012

20 ON THE NIGHTSTAND 3


rolled up 20
on the nightstand
edges crisp and soft 
with blood and dirt

is that cool at all?

rolled up 20
in the
travel tavern toilet/Fenchurch Street
- i could live here so happily/its SO clean

but

is anything
cool
around here?
  
PARANOIA strikes
in another shiny hotel foyer
 (but NOTHINGS going to happen)

pushing midnight
drink the train home away

home to the 20 on the nightstand . . . 

rolled up 20
makes
everything
dirty 
now 

i forget there was ever sunlight
or the hum and vibe 
of city




Thursday 14 June 2012

20 ON THE NIGHTSTAND 2


so tired
i cry
tears
like toy hearts

- creep down my cheeks, those tickle baubles

i hug
stripy
cushion
to my chest
rocking

rolled 20
on the nightstand



Wednesday 13 June 2012

SNAPSHOT POPS, SUMMER



standing
at the
corner
of the
building
BBQ afternoon S. London.

look
up
4 storeys/brick & guttering/a black cross
is a
plane
high in
the grey summer haze.

i’m side lit by the sun around the corner.

i’m
drunk & unstable
cheap doubles & pool
early afternoon
in the
Bloomsbury/i won 2 out of 3.

photo man laughing in 8 quid chair.

i’m blinkered
in the
unfinished garden
by shades
and 
by booze.

there
is a fence/we look thru the knots
at a plush
unused lawn
& blank
concrete
wall
begging for
improvised tags.

there is
a bike
there now
that wasn’t
there earlier/it is
white & red.

playing football
in the road
outside
with a
tiny
English football/i kick
it
tho
really
i
cannot.

i ask
for matches
& i’m
given
green cardboard
& told
THIS
IS MATCHES.

doubt reality & the names of things.

i light the BBQ/hot by the wall.

shovel
raw coals
about
with
a trowel.


Tuesday 12 June 2012

ON IT GOES


Gov’ment
calls
for CALM 
with their human mouths
reasonable
like mummy/like teacher
like ANYTHING ELSE would be madness 
and
very dissapointing

all
the
WHILE
they're selling weapons
from big contracts in northern marginals
for
British Jobs and British Wealth
only to friendly states of course . . .

on it goes



Monday 11 June 2012

DREAM

so the worst dream i ever had 11th june '12
ends with me and my new robot friend
walking hand in hand
into the innocence of a small sunny town . . . 
and
all
the real day
i'm filled with nostalgia i cant place at all
lonely and new without name or location
because of the soft rain 
running down the steel fences
and the cigarette smoke
the wont drift anywhere
and the
blue supermarket brand shower gel 
that reminds me
so 
much
of 
? and ? and ?











Sunday 10 June 2012

ALL CHANNELS ALL NETS




ALL CHANNELS
ALL NETS

Troll Boy foot updates constant
 - just like with the
Golden Spud
last time
around.

WORLD CUP INCOMING (six years ago)

in Germany-
they got a
new schoolboy
signing

    WHATEVER; ALL CHANNELS ALL NETS

 - at least
don’t give
it to
the French
again
for no good or clear reason




Saturday 9 June 2012

EPIC DREAM JUNE 8TH 2012

i'm following a tattooed woman 
down a residential street/quiet background bustle
we go back to her giant house
there are two men there/normal types
all relationships specifics are kept from me
and the silence as they move between rooms is tense and loaded
invited i explore/find others visiting like me
lost in corridors and small bathrooms
and stairwells/all the undecorated bedrooms are empty
and in the huge kitchen with a long breakfast bar
all the windows let in strong light and everyone is down here
and things seem ok for now
outside in the grounds - like a desert stretching to the brown horizon 
in the distance are ancient ruins and a new bridge under construction
i am saying I HEARD THESE HOUSES WERE BIG to one bearded man
but
much to do i have to leave soon . . . 
the tattooed woman says to me I HAVE A PRETTY BACK
and shows her summer brown torso covered with tall blooming roses
and nervous
i whisper WHATS YOUR SURNAME, I WILL FACEBOOK YOU 
she giggles and pulls her top over her face like a happy child
i leave
i have much to do
everything is worse
i forget it is 
then i remember that everything is worse
and there is much to do 
much to sort out 
must find the office 
in school now - and the admin block is hidden
in history class i'd rowed with a long gone friend and punched his face to blood
swimming to his river boat i see him slink away/seen me but leaving
and written on a ball in the prow of his boat is an apology note on an xmas napkin/dont know how that makes me feel
i am diving into the river twisting like a seal and on the shoreline silver kettles shine in the sun
i remember everything is worse/must get things in motion
must find the admin office and TELL SOMEONE
on the shore is my shack i not been back to for a long time
and i lay my stale bedding out on the veranda
next door bill bailey is airing giant gas masks/hanging them in a row in the sea breeze talking continuously
that nurse i know is walking down my veranda
hair in bunches and yellow blusher on her checks all her jewellery is bright childs plastic
YOURE ALL EIGHTIES i call/try to climb the old wood railing but my hands are rubber
and tho leaning down she doesnt reach to help me
and i lay there 
worrying 
in the sand